You’re likely reading this now because, despite everything you’ve tried, despite doing the work, and having the best of intentions, you still feel stuck. As a big dreamer with a big heart and a big desire to do better than yesterday, you’ve listened to the podcasts, you’ve bought the courses and read the books, and maybe even hired a therapist or mentor or coach, but you still cant shake this stuck energy.
In the beginning stages of working with new clients, they will often describe their feelings of stuckness as:
“I'm in a holding pattern..."
“I've tried everything, I am at a complete loss..”, or
“I feel trapped”, or
"I feel frustrated because I am getting in my own way and I know better”.
Regardless of their willingness to try, no matter what they do they can’t seem to get out of the cycle they are in, the cycle of stuckness that is holding them back.
Can you relate?
If so, then what I am about to share with you will provide you the clarity you need so that you can finally get unstuck.
I’m going to share with you 1 major hidden reason for your stuckness that is often overlooked, and offer you ways to overcome this so that you can escape the stuck energy and start embodying your most inspired way of living.
The Most Overlooked Reason For Being Stuck
The big, almost secret, reason for your stuckness that hardly anyone talks about is the words you use. And more specifically, there are three phrases that create the illusion of stuckness and they are:
“I don’t know…”,
“Yah but…”, and
“I know that already.”
When we say these phrases, we project a limiting energy out to the Universe that cuts us off from our greater potential, giving us permission to comfortably and safely stay right where we are. When we use these phrases: “I don’t know…”, “Yah but…”, and
“I know that already...” we are cutting ourselves off from all potential growth, and limitless possibility.
These phrases are often used without conscious thought - without us truly realizing what we are saying, like a knee-jerk reaction.
So let’s dive into each of these three phrases so you can see what I mean and hopefully make an internal shift that will relieve you from that energy of stuckness that you’re in now.
I Don't Know...
The first phrase is “I don’t know…”.
I want you to pay attention to what happens when you say the words “I don’t know” out loud right now. Try saying something like:
“I don't know what to do about my relationship”, or
“I don't know what to eat for dinner”, or
“I don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent”.
What happens inside of you when you say these words? Do you notice how your brain freezes? Just shuts down, and halts thinking altogether?
This is because “I don’t know” is a trigger for your brain to take the easy way out.
Your brain is lazy and it prefers going into autopilot mode over having to build new neural pathways to solve a problem.
Saying “I don’t know” is a defense mechanism against taking action. Tied to the action that you could take if you DID know, are likely some uncomfortable feelings that you are subconsciously avoiding. And, whether we are aware of it or not, we will do anything we can to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings.
Our brain uses “I don't know” to keep us safe - it is an unconscious way of avoiding something hard or challenging. It’s easier for us to tap out before it even begins than to face the uncomfortable. Saying “I don’t know” gives us the permission to avoid taking action that might lead to uncomfortable feelings like rejection, or failure, or disappointment. You see, almost everything comes back to fears and feelings, and when coupled with the fact that our mind seeks comfort at all costs, and we as humans by nature are lazy - no wonder so many of us find ourselves in this stuck energy!
Remember, words have power. Saying “I don't know” is cutting you off from your Higher Self, your own power and inner-wisdom, and the growth you desire by keeping you in this very limited, stuck energy.
So, instead of saying “I don't know” try saying “I’m going to figure this out”, or “What if I did know?”. I love the power of 'What If' statements because they attune us to infinite possibility, energetic curiosity, and relentless optimism.
Tap into your future self’s knowing, because somewhere on this timeline, you’ve already figured it out. So, think to yourself, if I did know, just like my future self knows, what might that look like? This shift in language moves you out of stuckness and into possibility. Out of laziness and avoidance and into progress and empowerment.
The second phrase that is keeping you stuck is “yah but”. This phrase is used in response to external suggestions when we ask for help. What is interesting about this phrase is that it is an egoic defense mechanism.
When we say “yah but”, we are energetically blocking the wisdom of others from entering our own energetic sphere by quickly shutting down what they've offered us. We unconsciously do this because we want to defend our intellect and appear like the smart, logical humans we are. As in, I need to prove I’m smart by demonstrating I’ve already thought of that and all the reasons it won’t solve my problems.
The thing is, when we are being offered suggestions, these are gifts from The Universe, an opportunity to pause, reconsider, be curious, and see things from a new angle that we’ve avoided or overlooked.
You see, when we respond with “yah but” we cut ourselves off from the collective wisdom, from opening our mind’s eye to a different or wider perspective.
However, when we can take into consideration what another person is offering, with humility, curiosity, and openness, as opposed to the defensive egoic response of “yah but”, we create opportunities for progress and breakthroughs. And this is what we desire when we are stuck, right? Progress and breakthroughs.
So the next time you catch yourself reacting to advice with a “yah but”, I invite you to pause instead, and play pretend. Really take to heart what is being offered to you and even if your mind is telling you all the reasons their suggestion wont work, ask questions instead. Be curious, like a little kid. Humbly lean into your desire to release the stuck energy and try to find the magic in their offering that will help you move forward.
I Know That Already...
The third phrase that keeps you in your stuck energy is “I know that already”. Just like the “yah but” phrase, this one is a reaction to external input or advice, and is an egoic defense mechanism to keep us safe. It is also interesting that the words are almost the opposite language of the first disempowering phrase of “I don’t know”.
Saying “I know that already” or impatiently interjecting someone’s offering with something like “Ya, I know”, is where ignorance begins.
This phrase is one that I’ve personally struggled with - historically feeling frustrated that the information or teachings presented to me are something I've learned previously. What would often happen when in conversation with someone who is relaying information that I “already know” is my ego would get impatient. I would tell myself that this was a waste of my time - that I need something more, something better, something new-to-me. I would notice an internal dialogue of something along the lines of “Gosh can’t anyone tell me something new, that I haven’t already learned? Clearly, I’m stuck here because I have yet to find the answer - the true gold - the magical ingredient that will alleviate my stuckness. Why do people keep wasting my time?".
The secret with shifting this dismissive “I know” response is to ask yourself, “Why is this showing up for me again, here and now?” Get curious about what might be underneath the information being offered to you.
What I have found effective in those moments when my mind wants to negate the offering and impatience threatens to take over, is I ask The Universe to show me what it is I am meant to see now. This allows me to step outside of myself, and view the conversation from a birds eye view - I get to expand into big picture awareness, or what my higher self might see, that my mind doesn’t want me to know.
Remember that your words, whether internal or spoken, become what you think, which becomes what you believe, which become what you do, which determines who you are being and the life you are experiencing. So I invite you to pay attention to when you use these three phrases: “ I don’t know…”, "Yah, but…”, and “I know that already”, because these are the words that are likely keeping you stagnant.
If you really want to move out of the stuck energy that you’re in, ask yourself:
Is this really what I want to be thinking and saying right now?
Is the energy of this phrase helping me make progress, or is it contributing to my stuckness?
Observe what happens when you can pause, and replace those phrases with intentional words, from a place of humility, curiosity, and optimism. I bet, you’ll experience a breakthrough as you allow yourself the courage to step into your own power and start making progress.
And if you're ready to go deeper and truly get unstuck, book a free discovery call with me.